Scary stuff...

I'm hesitant to even say this because I know that there are people who read this that suffer from it but depression scares the hell out of me. Feeling like there is absolutely no light whatsoever at the end of the tunnel is something that I can only imagine because I am completely unfamiliar with it. I am an inherently cheerful person, more so than a lot of people, I can't understand the idea of being so sad that you have no hope of being happier other than your rational knowledge that this is not going to last forever.

Mutated vegetable also kinda scare me... But not as much.

Zhen

LOVE IT

these are from a Tea Party rally

This on the other hand makes me want to hurl.

for crying out loud!

Get over yourself! You stupid, emotional, oversensitive, prepubescent little boy! We all tried! We wanted to be there for you! You kept pushing us away or finding another girl to asfixiate or saying "you don't fit in with me and my friends"
BULL!

Everyone you listed there YOU pushed away. YOU toyed with them.
After awhile we have to just move on okay? That's what happens when you treat girls badly over and over again, we just have to break the cycle.
so don't you dare try and make yourself out to be the victim here, act your age and take responsibility for your own damn screw ups.

just personal stuff

I haven't been home for 13 hours! Blech!

I miss some people right now. Its hard when you decide you can't talk to someone because you know they're bad for you but you always just enjoy each other's company so much and... Yeah its difficult to let that go.

I am loving my Thursday nights group thing, its a bunch of graduated kids who get together to discuss world events from a Christian perspective and I love it. I'm learning so much and connecting really well to the people around me.

I love it when my guy friends say I'm like a little sister to them and that they are concerned for me because I don't have a big brother so these guys are the closest I'll ever get.

I wish I had more direction

My toes hurt.

Good friends are hard to find. Even harder to keep...


Sorry for the mellow navel gazing tonight guys, I'm feeling very contemplative.

Zhen

Word of the day

splunk

Now originally it was going to be spulumbo but that's not actually a word it just sounds funny so I decided on splunk.

Splunk is a monitoring and reporting tool for IT system administrators with search capabilities according to wikipedia. So there!

Z

word of the day

I think I want to start having a word of the day. But the problem is I can't guarantee I'll be on here everyday so it'll be more like a word-of-the-every-couple-days... Yeah that works.

Mmkay so Saturdays word is:

Baffling
its a really excellent word, makes you smile, makes you feel a bit better about being too stupid to understand whatever it is that's baffling you.and its got the fun-to-say factor =)

If you don't have ovaries don't even bother reading this. Seriously. You'll just be like "wtf?"

Mmkay so a few days ago I had a reeeeally long break at work so I went meandering around the mall and because I'm damgerously low on perfume I decided to check out the Sears beauty department for some smelly stuff to see if I find anything I like. So I go in and its really not that busy and I start looking around and Stacy comes over to say hi and see if I need any help and I told her what I was looking for but that I can't really buy anything I'm just looking around. Now like I said, there's practically no people around so she's bored and starts looking around and finding nice smelling perfumes for me to try and whatnot. (there isn't really a punchline or some hilarious comment to put at the end so of that's what you're waiting for you should leave. Now.) so we're looking at scents and she's handing me those little cards that you spray perfume on so you can still smell It later and all that. So when I do have to leave I take those smelly cards and throw them in my bag cuz try do smell rather nice =) and now I'm sitting here typing on my iPod which smells really excellent because it was in the same pocket as those smelly cards. So you know how your mother told you that when you buy perfume and you put itb on you should only be able to smell it on yourself for a few minutes before your olfacory receptors don't notice it anymore and if they do then its the wrong scent for you? Kay well my mom told me that only she didn't say olfactory receptors. well I am still noticing the scent so obviously its not right for me but I can't really ask my iPod if it still smells it so I may have just stumbled across the perfect perfume for my iPod and I'll never know it.

Yeah that's it. Pretty pointless post I know but what can I say? If you're still reading this and you didn't have ovaries before you started reading; you probably do now. Listen better next time loser.

Love Zhen

I <3 CBC radio

Prolific

You know its a good day when you can work prolific into a sentence.

Speaking of working words into sentences! I think my new goal in life is to be a tongue twister maker, here's my premier tongue twister:

Crazy Cruciverbalists Create Chaos by Constructing Confounding Crosswords Composed in Crayon.

I'm freaking brilliant.
And NONE of those words are made up! How proud is everyone of me?

Life's ducky =)

Zhen

I know you are but what am I?

You are the people you spend time with and the books you read...

Hmm. That one's difficult. Because I hang around with a lot of people who are very nice and very considerate of other people's needs but who have very different morals than I do. Now whether or not that is having a significant impact on my moral compass only time will tell. I know that I do want to be a nice, considerate person but at the expense of my integrity? Because a lot of the people I know who it seems do have their values in order can be quite insufferable to spend time with. maybe I need new friends who are fun to hang out with AND have good moral compasses...

I just realized how horribly judgemental I sound in this post, i do love my friends a great deal, but I worry sometimes that I made bad influencing friends. we'll see how this turns out.

Z

Ra is pleased :D

I think I'm finally over him :)
I read about him calling this other girl "his girl" and that he loves spending time together and I remember how that used to be me but now... I dunno. I'm happy for him, but not at all jealous. I'm glad that they're happy together but, at the same time I'm happy not being with him.

OKAY! Navel gazing, teenage hormoney moment done! ;)

Glorious Freedom

I've been able to drive my car solo for the past two days!!! I LOVE IT!!!

Disney = love

really and truly, I could not possibly explain to anyone how much I adore Disney movies. Old ones like Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin or new ones like Tinkerbell. Granted the new ones have slightly less original premises but they're still lovely.

I think out of the Disney princess ones my favourites are Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin because those girls actually fall in love with the princes. Cinderella and Snow White just marry their princes because they're Prince Charming. Which I must say is rather lame.

Although come to think of it, some of you may view my love for Disney movies rather lame. But thats your problem =p

Z

languages make me happy

So, working retail at its most basic form means you have to talk to the customers. Its not really optional. But sometimes (working in a more ethnically diverse mall) I get customers that speak Spanish or French, much to my delight! I love it when I can make people just a little bit more comfortable by speaking their language and understanding them when not a lot of other people they've dealt with that day can. It just makes me feel kinda fuzzy inside :)

Zhen

Finality

I received a letter from my chosen institute of post-secondary education accepting my request to delay studies for a year... So that means its final. I am definitely not going to school this year. Its a little terrifying.
Post-secondary, while terrifying in it's own right, provides a bit of a cushion for students. They're not technically in the "real world", they are still ensconced in academia and fairly secluded from the pressures of the rest of the world. I am not, by any means, downsizing the amount of stress and work that goes into University, I know its hard! But working for a year, or more, is a bit more terrifying in that there is no "next year" to retake a course. Its real life. If you don't get it right the first time you need to make your own second chances, you can't ask for a redo on the course. I am embarking on my life. Not making another detour to another school. Please; people who are in university who read this, do not be offended by my opinions. I am just stating my view, you probably have a completely different one.

Its scary.

Z

First time driving the new car

Oh dear god I had no idea one could stall a car that many times. I lost bloody count. I suck.

non-lethal ghosts

So today is the second day at work that I have come out of the stock room and put some clothes away only to realise that I have cut my hand and I have no earthly clue as to why. It didn`t hurt or anything, it just bled everywhere and customers generally have this weird thing about not wanting to buy clothes that have blood on them. Even if it is their own blood. I know I find it strange too :p

Work is going very well though, its nothing long term but I have been selling lots of clothes lately and my manager actually told me that I am one of her stronger sellers. :D I know it sounds inconsequential compared to, you know other stuff. But it makes me happy :)

Oh! I just remembered why non-lethal ghosts is the title :p
I've decided my stock room is haunted! By ghosts who just want to be noticed :) so they cut me with something just sharp enough to leave a mark but not quite sharp enough to do any real harm or to actually hurt, they just want attention!

Moral of the story? Be nice to your non-lethal stock ghosts or they might to decide to get your attention with a machete :)









ps I'm not usually quite this morbid...

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Lumberjacks

So I'm kinda sad to say that the first thing that popped into my head after reading that a lumberjack was stung to death by a swarm of hornets was the lumberjack song. I think I'm a bad person for this.

People who make me ill

Its articles like this that make me so unbelievably grateful that I live in Canada...