Thursday, October 20, 2011

Being a unicorn

I think this whole "unicorn" thing is stemming from that episode of Glee where people celebrated being different by calling themselves unicorns... I've been feeling a lot like one lately.

I wish I was just like everyone else... I wish I thought sex before marriage was okay, I wish I thought drinking all the time was fun, I wish I thought making out with sweaty guys in a club and bringing them home with me was classy, I wish I thought slutty Halloween costumes were totally normal, I wish I was more fun.

I'm not though, I'm a boring, prudish, high standard having Christian. I'm not even a particularly good one at that. It's like I'm stuck in this "worst of both worlds" rut. I'm not fun enough for the secular kids and not pious enough to be a good Christian.

I tried making myself more fun. I tried drinking more, dating a non-Christian, spending more time with my secular friends and ignoring God completely but I just hated myself even more for abandoning my values. It's just not worth being liked by everyone if I hate myself for it... Not worth it.

I guess I could try swinging the other way, spending more time with God and less time trying to be like everyone else. I know that's just going to lead me to feel even more ostracized though, even more left out. Guess I'll just have to hope that God is there to help with that loneliness...


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