Likes

When you hit shuffle on your music and it just knows what you want to hear...

Lies

They're so easy to tell and lots of the time they're easy to maintain and hide. Really though, they just destroy trust so quickly...

I have a fantastic memory, I can recall random trivial facts or stories or anecdotes from years and years ago (unfortunately this doesn't stop me from forgetting my purse everywhere). So it's also really easy for me to catch people in their lies, I don't set out to purposefully do this. It just sort of happens because I'll hear them lie to me and I'll instantly remember something they said a few days or weeks earlier that completely contradicts that. While I usually don't mention them or make a big deal out of them when they happen, when that person has specifically lied to me about something it is really difficult for me to trust them again in that area... I hate it when people lie to me because it usually seems so pointless. I always end up being more upset that they lied to me about something than I would have been about whatever it was they were trying to hide.

Trust takes years to build and only a second to destroy... It's a cliche for a reason. It is really true!

Zhen

Being a unicorn

I think this whole "unicorn" thing is stemming from that episode of Glee where people celebrated being different by calling themselves unicorns... I've been feeling a lot like one lately.

I wish I was just like everyone else... I wish I thought sex before marriage was okay, I wish I thought drinking all the time was fun, I wish I thought making out with sweaty guys in a club and bringing them home with me was classy, I wish I thought slutty Halloween costumes were totally normal, I wish I was more fun.

I'm not though, I'm a boring, prudish, high standard having Christian. I'm not even a particularly good one at that. It's like I'm stuck in this "worst of both worlds" rut. I'm not fun enough for the secular kids and not pious enough to be a good Christian.

I tried making myself more fun. I tried drinking more, dating a non-Christian, spending more time with my secular friends and ignoring God completely but I just hated myself even more for abandoning my values. It's just not worth being liked by everyone if I hate myself for it... Not worth it.

I guess I could try swinging the other way, spending more time with God and less time trying to be like everyone else. I know that's just going to lead me to feel even more ostracized though, even more left out. Guess I'll just have to hope that God is there to help with that loneliness...

Zhen

12 hour school days

Well the past few days have certainly been busy... I've started to lose track of what day it is and they're all just blurring together so I only really remember particularly important events or situations and not really the date or time stamp involved. It's alarming but probably just a brain mechanism for coping because you hear people say it all the time when they're stressed.

A big breakthrough came in today though! I managed to ask a different professor in the faculty of a class I'm having difficulties with for help with an assignment, and the assignment due date got extended a full week! I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. :)

Been involved in one of my on-campus clubs... it's quite fun actually. Meeting new people, trying new things, learning fundraising ideas, padding my resume with volunteer hours. Good times!

Chatted with the ex today, things are going really well. So much of our dating relationship was based on a really strong friendship so it has been relatively straightforward stripping away the romantic part of it and going back to just being friends. Jealousy is still an issue, but that's not really a big surprise; it's only been a week after all. We'll both start seeing other people soon enough and we'll get over it.

The best discovery of today was the 5 cent candy section I found in the convenience store! Candy for the win as an essay writing aid...

So all in all, I'm getting by :)

Zhen

Professors who never check their email deserve... something bad to happen to them.

Capitalism is a beautiful, strange thing

So a lady who writes one of the blogs I read bought something from Dolly Python Vintage and she posted about it! Now this is kind of a strange lady who has a deep and abiding love for taxidermy and the lovely decorative pieces that this art produces so she buys some pretty wacked stuff. But this store is by FAR the most bizarre thing I've ever seen!! It's like the prop shop for an old horror movie... Anywho, they seem to be making money so whatever, the economy is being stimulated which is always a good thing.

they're just so pretty!

Making it through bookstores with my wallet still intact is usually not too difficult because I already have a mountain of books at home which are unread and dying for affection... However making it past the notebook section always proves to be obscenely will power testing...

New layout...

How do we feel about this? I feel like it needs more colour...

UPDATE
I've rectified the colour issue

Microwaves

One of the weirdest things I've noticed about university campuses (aside from the penile art and impromptu martial arts practice on a grassy knoll) is the distinct lack of microwaves!! On a massive campus space with thousands of students, I literally know of only 4 microwaves! it almost feels like spotting a rare bird in the wild when you find a new one. I experienced this just the other day. There I was; looking for a good study spot on the management building, and I spied a familiar white, boxy shape in the corner of my eye. There it was, all innocent and inconspicuous looking, in some back corner of the study area so only the determined would find it! I crept up to it, not wanting to be too loud in case I shattered the illusion. But some poking and prodding confirmed my beliefs, there was indeed a new microwave! And I had discovered it! This of course led to frantic texts to friends, a discovery of this magnitude just had to be shared! My friends quickly dropped whatever they were doing and rushed to join me, there were hugs and tears and champagne bottles popped. Twas a joyous occasion for all :)

loneliness

That's the worst part about being single now... The not knowing that there is always someone who loves you and wants to hear from you... I mean there's family and friends, but it's really not the same. I miss my ex...

I've never tried drugs...

Guess I'm just unreasonably attached to my brain cells. I'm kind of like a pack-rat with them actually. Those guys that produce Hoarders are thinking of doing a spin-off show on people like me.

New Year...

I feel like September signals a new year more than January ever does... there is always WAY more change in September. Starting school again, moving away from friends and family again, learning how to cook for myself again (pfft that's a lie, I never learned in the first place), meeting new friends, experiencing new things, new classes, new everything!

I miss my hometown lots, it's a big city as opposed to this... small city. I call it a town but I get in trouble for that haha, apparently under 100,000 still constitutes a city. A small city full of CRAZY people, most of them seniors or university students. An odd mix eh? I can't see myself in 40 or 50 years asking my husband if he thinks it's a good idea to retire to a college town, what part of that sounds like fun?

So new classes! Lots more work, I'm excited though. Except for Spanish... Spanish is absolutely terrifying. The rest is fun! Financial stuff (meh, rockin prof), Organizational Behaviour (stuff I already know), Logic (yay!) and Intro to IT (again, stuff I already know). Turns out second year isn't much more enlightening than first year was!

So boyfriend brought me to school cuz the parents are vacationing and he was so intimidated by all the people on campus! I hadn't even really thought about it... Just seems normal but yeah, I guess there are quite a few kids for a guy who is used to small town high schools and whatnot.

I missed my roommates so much... it's awesome to have them back. I've heard such horror stories from some people and how they hate their psychotic roommates but I have been soooooo lucky! They're all sweet and funny and considerate and we enjoy spending time together. It's idyllic really haha.

Well more later, it's homework time ;)

Zhen

Yeah... this was an ad for http://nerf-this.com/jumping-ship/">Nerf This which is some random webcomic that I just can't get into no matter how hard I try. BUT! They have spectacularly funny ads :)

ps Don't ask what the thing in the tux is. I have no clue.

SO much better

Well looks like all I needed yesterday was a good boo-hoo breakdown and I'm all better now :)

Went to class, went to work, talked to some friends, doing Spanish homework (doesn't sound like a big accomplishment but really, it is).

I am just happy. I am also excited to go home. And I'm grateful for my lovely roommates. Life is good, God is good, Canada is good, and so are my friends...

Goodnight and good luck :p

Zhen

Frustration

I have been frustrated for 2 days.
Frustrated with my aunt, with my co-workers, with my roommate, with my best friend, with my mother, with my boyfriend and with my schoolwork.
Typically I don't feel this way! I am not an easily angered person! The end of school appears to be getting to me, however. I just want to go home and work and not have to stress about school or money or family drama. Obviously when I do get home I'll have a new pile of frustrations to worry about but in the meantime it just feels like being here is making them all much worse.

I'm attempting to maintain a cheerful attitude though so I guess tomorrow is a new day and I should leave all these frustrations behind when I wake up. Good call Zhen, good call...

Hoo boy

Ladies and Gentlemeisters we get to vote again!!!!
I'm excited to exercise my rights and do the votin thang but honestly, I am tired of all the political unrest. For crying out loud, couldn't they just work together and run the country? No. They had to act like petulant children and call an expensive election so they could see yet again who the country is going to vote for.
I feel like the voters were really left out of this one. Did they ask us if we wanted an election? No. I feel like they're up in their little echo chamber trying to see who bullies best.
But hey, that's just me!

Word of the Day

Punctilious - REALLY attentive to detail or punctilios.

Tumblr

I don't understand Tumblr. It looks all nice and shiny and everything but all the actual Tumblr blogs I've seen are just useless re-postings of something that someone else posted and you end up with 40 re-posters and no new content... That disinterests me so I think I'll stay here. Oh and these aren't interesting re-postings, they're like this.

Zhen

Caring

Sometimes caring so much is frustrating. I love my friends and I don't want them to get hurt.
I am hearing "you're not my mom" a lot more lately than I did before... I wish I didn't sound like such a nag all the time but honestly, I care too much about you to just stand idly by while you screw yourself up over and over again!
I don't care if you call me your mother, a nag, a pain in the ass, self-righteous, over-stepping-my-bounds or anything else you can come up with. I am not going to stop loving you. I am not going to stop holding you accountable to the stupid, self-destructive decisions you sometimes make.
I don't think you're always dumb, otherwise I probably wouldn't be friends with you. But you are starting to make SILLY CHOICES and I am not going to let you off the hook. I'll be here when you get hurt or when you need to talk or need someone to pick you up.
I hope you'll feel the same way about me when I hit those stupid decisions kay?

Zhen

Is it really knowledge?

Something that I am finding in my university studies is a division between the types of subject matter I am studying. A division even more general than that of Math, Science, English, Spanish, etc... I have started to divide what I am learning into two groups; actual information (facts, figures, laws, formulae) and stuff that people made up.
The latter group I have difficulties with... things like "post-colonial reasoning" and "dominant understandings" sound silly to me. It sounds like people sitting around and making shit up.
Now I respect the fact that the people who use and understand these phrases are much smarter and more educated than I am, they have more world experience and probably have a far more mature outlook on life. However I can't get behind the idea of "abstracting to higher and higher levels", when do we stop abstracting and interpreting and gleaning and actually do something with it? I think my dislike of this type of knowledge has a few causes; my age (infallibility of youth and all that), my inexperience with academia, and my need for action! I like doing things, not pontification about the underlying principles and motivations thereof.
This probably makes me a stupider person because I do not appreciate the art of abstracting from ideas already present and regurgitating new knowledge, but I just don't have the patience for it!
Alright, rant over. Back to studying...

Zhen