Saturday, January 13, 2007

Weird feelings...

Just in general. I got up at 6:15 this morning to go help man a "hospitality table" at some swim meet until noon, went to my grandparent's place where I slept for 4 hours and came home. Not a super exciting day but I kind of feel unhappy. I know you guys are all sick of hearing about my unhappiness but no one's forcing you read my blog so suck it up or get lost (BTW I'm feeling kind today :p). Wondering about stuff, what happened to my friendship with someone, wondering what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, wondering when my parent's thing will be done so I can watch Tokyo Drift, wondering how I'm going to ask someone a particular question, wondering when something will happen in my life, wondering if I'll ever fall in love, wondering where I'll go to college. So many questions, many of them revolving around a select few persons.
BTW, I'm not sure I'll ever "fall in love" per say, love is a decision, not some random occurence similar to an unpleasant incident with a rather large pothole. But you can't just decide to love anyone, you have to be sure, but how sure can you ever really be? Oh well, I'm pretty darn young to be thinking about this kind of stuff, its fairly irrelevant at this point in my life. But one has to wonder *laughs* (new fav word) what makes love all worth it? I mean, just looking at the love lives of people around me, mostly my age, my friend's relationships rarely last very long, it was worse in junior high, when the relationship is done they're all heartbroken until they jump back on. Its so complicated, figuring out how far is too far, or worse, not figuring out how far is too far and getting hurt. Wondering if someone likes you, wondering if you like that someone.
Oh yeah, something else, wondering when people are going to get a clue! I'm a naturally outgoing person, I am not afraid to go up to some random person, introduce myself and start a conversation, I'm just not. Well, the people around me seem to interpret that as being outrageously flirtatious. I'm not! I'm friendly and I don't have to have all that back door brokering done before I can go up to some guy and strike up a conversation. Most girls my age (this is from someone else, I hadn't really noticed) are too shy to actually go up to a guy and talk, unless they already know them pretty well or their friend has talked to his friend and they know everything is okay or whatever.
*laughs* I don't think I've ever done that in my life... Anyways, its amazing how five lines can make your otherwise happy day, turn infinitely sour. That just happened, see I started this blog post yesterday, and I read something this morning that just made me unhappy again. *sighs* I suppose that's my overt sensitivity kicking in, really gotta curb that thing...

Zhen

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I never did get the back door brokering either - and yes confidence is often seen as flirtatious. Its a hard line to walk but later, when the rest of your friends catch up and most of them will, relationships will be different - not easier - but better.

zhen said...

Well you know what they say, the most attractive thing about a woman/girl is her confidence... blech.

Leann said...

guess we all have weird feelings now and then.and its not just young people.Im a old lady and I have questioned why Im here and for what.relationships arent all they are cracked up to be.believe me I know.everyone wants to find true lasting love but few do.and the ones who do are blessed.but more then likely its not good relationships we find.hope you are feeling better and your happyness returns. its best to be confient in ones self that way no matter what you will make it. God bless.